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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Healing the Hearts of Women and Children Since 2004"

How domestic violence affects children

Did you know that children can be deeply impacted by violence? When a child is exposed to fighting, screaming and yelling is it traumatizing and leaves emotional, mental, spiritual wounds. When family violence is taking place in a home environment it makes a child's world feel hopeless and helpless. Their hearts are broken and need healing. 

IMAGINE seeing someone you love hit, kicked, punched, strangled and stomped by a person you love and thought loved your family member.  Family violence is confusing for a child and it makes them feel "unsafe" "unloved" "scared" "anxious" "depressed" "overly compliant". It causes a child to have nightmares, stomach aches, poor eating habits. Bed wetting, problems in school, difficulty with learning and concentration due to worrying about loved ones. Children exposed to domestic violence have difficulty making friends or keeping friends. They tend to run away or stay away from home, get involved with drugs, alcohol, gangs, unhealthy sexual relationships and risk pregnancy early. 

They struggle with feelings of rejection and isolation. The violence is often expressed in their artwork, writings and music. They tend to have a history of disciplinary problems, expulsions, and chronic school absences. Sometimes they have trouble sleeping at night and have a hard time staying awake in class during the day. Sometimes they have a love/hate relationship with the parent that perpetrates the violence and the parent that tolerates the abuse. 

Sometimes a child will blame himself or herself for the violence taking place. Nevertheless, children learn from what they are exposed to. If they see it or hear it they are being trained to believe it's the right thing to do. Parents, siblings, and other family members are the first examples. For example, if a boy is repeatedly exposed to his father, step-father, brother, uncles or boyfriend beating his mom he will think it's OK. He is at risk of physically abusing his sister. When his mom beats him for hitting his sister he will become angry and confused. He learned how to engage in violence, aggression, uncontrolled anger and victimization while witnessing the abuse of his mother.

It's never too late to break the cycle of domestic and family violence. It's never just the victim of abuse that's impacted. Exposure to violence, neglect, abuse by someone you know, love and should have been able to trust leaves emotional, spiritual, physical, social, financial, sexual wounds. While we can't undo anything that took place in our past we can work to right the wrongs. We can learn to listen. We can make help restore lives. We can make a difference. 

If you or your child is in need of anger management, behavioral health, addiction or divorce recovery support contact us for a consultation. Please fill out the contact form and Customer Care will be in touch. Thank you. 

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Building a Healthy Marriage

The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.

​Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages 

fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship. 

The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.

A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.

Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available. 

Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.

What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and  spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.

As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family. 

Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.

Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.

1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.

2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.

3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.

4. Attack the problem, not each other.

5. Don't throw feelings like stones.

6. Stay on the subject.

7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.

8. Never say, "You never.."

9. Don't manipulate your mate.

10. Be humble; you could be wrong.

Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".

By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!  

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


My Blog


A Few Good Men

Posted on July 6, 2017 at 7:59 AM Comments comments (1)
Women have been speaking up and standing against the evil of child abuse, neglect and cruelty, violence, oppression, sexual assault and rape. Women have been standing in the gap for daughters and sons, nieces and nephews. They've help raise grand-children, hurting and lonely children, neighborhood children and children of those for which they worked. Women have served as spiritual mothers, mentors and mid-wives. The work isn't easy. Story after story. Case after case. 

The tears, fears, sorrow and grief becomes overwhelming. When a person is paralyzed by fear and hurting from deep wounds, a broken spirit and clinical depression they can become too weak to pray. When you know someone is in trouble you don't just look the other way. You stand in the gap. You pray and you never stop praying for their hurts, their wounds, shattered dreams and broken promises.   

Standing against evil, injustice and oppression in order to fight for mercy, compassion, justice, help and healing, for the vulnerable and the voiceless takes conviction, courage and commitment. Character is developed in the hard places. The making of a man happens through life tests, trials and setbacks. 

In times of hardship and overwhelming challenges something in you is birthed and it's built to last. 

Do you when you stand up for what's right when others sit down? Do you speak up, when others ignore, excuse or justify wrong and remain silent? Do you give when others manipulate and take?  

Perhaps you are one of the few good men still fighting the good fight of faith. When you stand for something you stand out and you'll never be forgotten.

There is still room for a few good men. Men willing to stand in the gap as mentors, coaches, supporters and iron sharpening iron.  Men willing to speak up and speak out, "Not on my watch". Men willing to repair the walls and protect the gates. Men who are sons, fathers, husbands, uncles, grand-fathers and step-fathers are wanted in this hour. There are mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, aunts, grand-mothers who desperately need you to lift your voice and raise your hands to pray and work...

Perhaps you know one or some of these women. Perhaps you of her silent years of heartbreak. As quiet as it's kept she was paralyzed by fear, anxiety and depression, mental illness, control and manipulation, shame, guilt and a sense of loyalty. She wondered what people would say or if she sought to protect herself and the children. Would they believe her? Would she be treated harshly or criticized for saying such nonsense?

Yes, things have gotten better in society, but evil and oppression hasn't stopped. Today, single women with children are left to navigate life alone. Many have been abandoned, betrayed, lied on, laughed at, mocked, displaced, separated and divorced just to save their lives. 

Historically women have been criticized, judged and blamed by people who felt they should stay. Not realizing that her struggle isn't over. Common experiences include chronic homelessness, unemployment and poverty, low self esteem, stressed induced sickness, family court battles. The emotional, mental, financial, social and educational impact this has on the children is devastating, discouraging and depressing. 

Daily girls and women are being abused, raped, prostituted, trafficked, beaten, murdered, kidnapped, tortured and bullied. Will you be one of the few good men to stand in the gap for girls and women as if they were your own daughters, mothers and sisters. One make CAN make a difference. Will you be the one?

We'd love to hear your feedback/ thoughts. Do you have  a story to share?  
Drop us an email at [email protected] 

Find Ms.RIGHT For You!

Posted on July 2, 2015 at 7:13 PM Comments comments (99)
Hello Friends,

If you've ever seen a young lady on the street and thought, "Wow I'd really like to talk to her" but you didn't follow through or you didn't go up and introduce yourself you may have had a few of the normal
"what would have, could have or should have" thoughts racing through your head.

If you've ever found yourself stopped short when it comes to relationships or approaching a woman you find interesting OR  if you're ever had the courage to go up and introduce yourself and it just didn't work out perhaps I can help.  See, when it comes to dating or approaching women like everything else in life there is a right way and a way that SEEMS right, yet it doesn't bring results we truly desire. At that point we end up settling. 

But there is hope so don't give up. You can find relationship success you're looking for. You can become the kind of man that can naturally a woman. You can be genuine and have a interesting conversation. You can feel confident and comfortable in your approach. You can invite her out on a date. 

And ultimately you CAN have the kind of  low-stress and fulfilling relationship with the kind of woman you REALLY want that could potentially lead to MARRIAGE!!! 

HOW do I know? Men are finding the WOMAN of their DREAMS every single day. The LOVE you're looking for is also waiting for you. Have you ever heard of, "When a man finds a WIFE?" There is a WOMAN being prepared right NOW perhaps in another town, city, state to become your wife. She could be right in your MIDST but you just didn't know it. 

In order to help I've decided to have personal one-on-one sessions with a few of my blog readers over the next couple of weeks. We probably won't be able to work with everybody, but the sooner you request your session the more likely you are to be scheduled. 

This coaching session is called "Improve Your Confidence with Women Coaching Session". During the "Improve Your Confidence with Women Coaching Session" we will work together to....

  • Create a crystal clear VISION for the kind of woman you's like to have in your life and the kind of relationship you'd like to have with her.
  • We'll uncover any hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your success in relationships.
  • You'll leave the session renewed, re-energized and inspired to take consistent action in your relationships and love life so that you can finally have the success you've always wanted.

To get your "Improve Your Confidence With Women Coaching Session" today, simply send an email and and please ANSWER the following questions:

1. How long have you been single?

2. Have you ever been married? 

3. On a scale of 0 to 10 how important is getting this area of life in alignment with other areas?

4.. What do you see as your biggest challenge with women and dating?

5. What has been greatest relationship success to date?

6. When would be the BEST time to have your 30- Minute session?

Send your reply to [email protected]

Be sure to include your name and number so we can send you a text of give you a call and get you scheduled for this special 30-minute, "Improve Your Confidence with Women Coaching Session" today. 

We're excited and hope to hear from you soon!

To Your  Success,

The Crossroad Team

Men Unleash the King in You

Posted on March 23, 2012 at 11:21 AM Comments comments (12)
Within every male born there is also a man. Baby boys are not born to stay babies. They grow, they develop, they mature. There is a stage they must go through in order to reach manhood. Unfortunately, far too many men have experienced an interruption in the process to manhood.
So much has taken places in their lives during the transition. Many men have experienced situations in life that have should have not take place. Some things happened which were beyond their control. 

Traumas, breakdowns and break-ups can take place in the lives of men just like it does women. Women are emotionally wired. Men are not therefore, they don't show their feelings as openly as a woman might.
Some men have experienced sexual victimization, dysfunctional families, parental rejection, abandonment, adoption and witnessing violence in the home. Some men were raised by an alcoholic father or substance abuser. Some were introduced to "manhood" through pornography or having as much sex as they could. Some men know what it's like to have an incarcerated parent. Yes, men have been through storms. Many have worn smiles but were crying on the inside. Some didn't make it through these storms....

What happens when your boyhood and your childhood has been stolen?  What do you do when you don't know what to do? Where do you find acceptance and affirmation without losing your soul?
I know many men who are holding it down. They are good husbands and fathers. These men are making a difference leading in their homes and communities. Impacting  business, media, education, law, politics, medicine, social sciences,  mental health and other sectors. Yet, there are still some men struggling with deep emotional pain. Oftentimes not knowing what to do they struggle with inner conflict. This inner pain manifests itself outwardly through rage, anger, bitterness and resentment.
What most men don't realize is that unforgiveness, bitterness, self-hatred, addiction, shame and guilt are emotional strongholds designed to keep you from moving forward. You have an invisible enemy that don't want you to leave the past behind. An adversary destined to prevent you from becoming who you were born to be. His goal is to see you wounded and crippled by that which didn't kill you.
The truth of the matter is that you can be delivered. You can be whole, healed and set free. There may be a little boy inside of you still crying out. A little boy has a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of hurt and disappointment. Unresolved fear and anxiety about the future can be resolved.

You're a man who can be free. You can know the truth about who you are. You are not your experience. Your past does not dictate your future. The wounds of the little boy in you deserves to be healed. You can begin again. Underneath all the junk there is a man of greatness in you. A man of purpose and destiny. A fighter and a deliverer. A man with power and authority. A man with a voice destined to bless many nations. There are people waiting to here what you have to say. They need what you have.
You are a man of integrity and character. You are authentic. You are real. You are what the world has been waiting for. You are the one that you have been waiting for. Save yourself. Choose freedom rather than bondage. Choose to become the warrior you were created to be. There is a king in you. Your robe has many different colors. He has given you gifts, insight, wisdom and knowledge. He will place you before great men and women of honor. There is so much more to you than what meets the eye. You have something inside of you that the world can't give, and the world can't take away. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you. His love for you is unconditional. It's everlasting. It's perfect. His love can make you whole. Even on your worse day, He won't stop loving you. He promises to never leave or forsake you. He loves you more than your parents, grand-parents, siblings, friends and uncles ever could.
He gave you the most precious give you can ever receive. His precious son. And He invites you to come back home. He wants to fellowship with you. His arms are open wide. His arms of love, healing, forgiveness, mercy, compassion and grace. Don't keep Him waiting. He wants to reveal Himself to you in the most awesome way. If you're lost, He wants to show you the way. He's the leader of all leaders. 

If you're broken, He can mend your heart. If you're bleeding He can stop the blood. He doesn't  bandage wounds He heals them totally. If you're confused, He'll bring clarity. If you're tired, He'll you rest. He's calling you to be where He is. His deepest desire is intimacy with every man He created. With Him you 
will find protection, strength and strategy to be the man, father, son and husband you desire to be. This world needs you. Your family needs you. It's your time. Arise my brother, my father, my friend. Put on your royal robe. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants to introduce you to the king within you.