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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Transforming Lives of Women Who Transform their World"

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Domestic violence isn't normal

Posted on May 11, 2015 at 2:45 PM Comments comments (0)
There are situations when you find yourself at a crossroad. When it comes down to relationships there are times when you must discern when to hold them or fold them. In cases of repeated and unrepentant domestic violence seek help. There are times when HELP consists of leaving a dangerous situation and finding refuge in a home for battered women and children.

Perhaps a mother, grandmother, aunt, sister,  girlfriend or a neighbor stayed in an abusive relationship and never left. That doesn't mean you should. Often times a woman doesn't leave the moment she REALIZES the kind of toxic situation she is in. However, she learns how to cope and navigate the ugly water of relationship abuse for her own sake and the sake of the children. 

Abuse may have been tolerated in your family for generations. Just because something has been tolerated for so long and seems NORMAL that doesn't make it normal.

While we know there is another kind of evil at work that is not an excuse. To abuse someone is a choice. As a matter of fact the person doing the abusing knows exactly what he or she is doing. Not every woman is STRONG enough to deal with what she doesn't understand. Domestic violence is a spiritual issue that happens in the context of natural relationships. It is demonic, oppressive and a crime that should be treated just as serious as cancer.

Have a question or comment?  Need to speak with a spiritual life coach or counselor? Send an email to [email protected] 

Saving Marriage With Unconditional Love

Posted on December 27, 2014 at 10:11 AM Comments comments (0)
What are the essential ingredients in an ideal relationship?

In the middle of a workshop recently a pertinent question was asked about what creates the ideal relationship. We are asked to think of a relationship we had with something in the last week in one's mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about the relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objections such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

A number of women considered kitchen appliances, favorite clothes or shoes, old friends, neighbors, and treasured items in their lives, and the bond that they had created between people or with items they used in their lives. Words such as reliable, dependable, and comforting were used. 

Take a moment and think of dogs. Dog have very simple needs, requiring only food, shelter, and love. No matter how your day has been or what kind of mood your in, when you get home at night you're still greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and enthusiastic fashion. Your dog is always excited to see you, and it's very humbling when you consider it.

I don't know if any of the men or women have someone who greet them so enthusiastically night after night. But no matter how long you've been away from the house or no matter how your day has been, a dog does.  A dogs needs a few, yet they give so much. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is the love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.

You know by now that your spouse has faults. You know your spouse is not perfect. You know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. You love your spouse because of those imperfections rather than in spite of them.

This is unconditional love. The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? 

Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. We all clutter our lives with thoughts and emotions, trials and tribulations, and there is temptation to let our issues become bigger than they really are and rule our lives.

If you are serious about saving your marriage the key is finding ways to place emotional clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. It's okay to have thoughts and feelings. But above all of this is the love you have for your spouse, the love you have for one another. And love will conquer them all.

It is possible to not like your spouse or not like what they are doing and still love them. It's possible to not like where your life or your marriage is but still love your spouse. The love you have for your spouse and your marriage can remain constant.

It's time to learn how to reconnect with your life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.

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Wishing you all the best,

Patrina



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