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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Healing the Hearts of Women and Children Since 2004"

How domestic violence affects children

Did you know that children can be deeply impacted by violence? When a child is exposed to fighting, screaming and yelling is it traumatizing and leaves emotional, mental, spiritual wounds. When family violence is taking place in a home environment it makes a child's world feel hopeless and helpless. Their hearts are broken and need healing. 

IMAGINE seeing someone you love hit, kicked, punched, strangled and stomped by a person you love and thought loved your family member.  Family violence is confusing for a child and it makes them feel "unsafe" "unloved" "scared" "anxious" "depressed" "overly compliant". It causes a child to have nightmares, stomach aches, poor eating habits. Bed wetting, problems in school, difficulty with learning and concentration due to worrying about loved ones. Children exposed to domestic violence have difficulty making friends or keeping friends. They tend to run away or stay away from home, get involved with drugs, alcohol, gangs, unhealthy sexual relationships and risk pregnancy early. 

They struggle with feelings of rejection and isolation. The violence is often expressed in their artwork, writings and music. They tend to have a history of disciplinary problems, expulsions, and chronic school absences. Sometimes they have trouble sleeping at night and have a hard time staying awake in class during the day. Sometimes they have a love/hate relationship with the parent that perpetrates the violence and the parent that tolerates the abuse. 

Sometimes a child will blame himself or herself for the violence taking place. Nevertheless, children learn from what they are exposed to. If they see it or hear it they are being trained to believe it's the right thing to do. Parents, siblings, and other family members are the first examples. For example, if a boy is repeatedly exposed to his father, step-father, brother, uncles or boyfriend beating his mom he will think it's OK. He is at risk of physically abusing his sister. When his mom beats him for hitting his sister he will become angry and confused. He learned how to engage in violence, aggression, uncontrolled anger and victimization while witnessing the abuse of his mother.

It's never too late to break the cycle of domestic and family violence. It's never just the victim of abuse that's impacted. Exposure to violence, neglect, abuse by someone you know, love and should have been able to trust leaves emotional, spiritual, physical, social, financial, sexual wounds. While we can't undo anything that took place in our past we can work to right the wrongs. We can learn to listen. We can make help restore lives. We can make a difference. 

If you or your child is in need of anger management, behavioral health, addiction or divorce recovery support contact us for a consultation. Please fill out the contact form and Customer Care will be in touch. Thank you. 

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Building a Healthy Marriage

The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.

​Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages 

fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship. 

The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.

A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.

Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available. 

Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.

What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and  spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.

As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family. 

Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.

Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.

1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.

2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.

3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.

4. Attack the problem, not each other.

5. Don't throw feelings like stones.

6. Stay on the subject.

7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.

8. Never say, "You never.."

9. Don't manipulate your mate.

10. Be humble; you could be wrong.

Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".

By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!  

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


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Domestic violence isn't normal

Posted on May 11, 2015 at 2:45 PM Comments comments (0)
There are situations when you find yourself at a crossroad. When it comes down to relationships there are times when you must discern when to hold them or fold them. In cases of repeated and unrepentant domestic violence seek help. There are times when HELP consists of leaving a dangerous situation and finding refuge in a home for battered women and children.

Perhaps a mother, grandmother, aunt, sister,  girlfriend or a neighbor stayed in an abusive relationship and never left. That doesn't mean you should. Often times a woman doesn't leave the moment she REALIZES the kind of toxic situation she is in. However, she learns how to cope and navigate the ugly water of relationship abuse for her own sake and the sake of the children. 

Abuse may have been tolerated in your family for generations. Just because something has been tolerated for so long and seems NORMAL that doesn't make it normal.

While we know there is another kind of evil at work that is not an excuse. To abuse someone is a choice. As a matter of fact the person doing the abusing knows exactly what he or she is doing. Not every woman is STRONG enough to deal with what she doesn't understand. Domestic violence is a spiritual issue that happens in the context of natural relationships. It is demonic, oppressive and a crime that should be treated just as serious as cancer.

Have a question or comment?  Need to speak with a spiritual life coach or counselor? Send an email to [email protected] 

15 yr old girl suffered abuse in silence

Posted on January 8, 2015 at 11:11 AM Comments comments (132)
This morning I read a news story concerning a 15 yr old girl who fatally shot her 16 yr old brother. It appears that the parents left the 16 yr old brother in charge of his female siblings ages 15, 11 and 3 while they go to work. The father was a truck driver and the mother went for the ride. 

This is a traumatic situation. I read where the 15 yr old girl had been locked in a room with just a blanket and a bucket to use the bathroom. It was also said that due to "misbehaving" she has been locked up in the room for 20 days at a time. This is child abuse and neglect.

Additionally, the girls uncle was convicted of molesting her in 2010 and in 2011 the mother discovered that the siblings were having sex in 2011. The 15 yr old also tried to commit suicide in the past but this was never reported to the police or emergency management services. Child sexual abuse at the hands of a family member or trusted family friend is common. Sadly children suffer in silence for years.

Fast forward. Another family shattered by silence. Another life gone too soon through death.

This young girl has been wounded, traumatized and have been suffering from the scars of incest and molestation in silence for quite sometime. Unfortunately, it's possible that both girls will be traumatized again. The prosecutor is trying to decide whether or not they will be charged as adults.

Will you join me in prayer? Let's pray for abused children everywhere, parents who have experienced childhood abuse, families grieving the lost of a child, individuals who take away the innocence of a child through sexual abuse, molestation, rape or incest. Children who are broken during childhood and left with unresolved and unhealed wounds often experience challenges as adults. Let's pray for healing and restoration of adult survivors. None of us are broken beyond repair. 

Patrina Wright

Saving Marriage With Unconditional Love

Posted on December 27, 2014 at 10:11 AM Comments comments (33)
What are the essential ingredients in an ideal relationship?

In the middle of a workshop recently a pertinent question was asked about what creates the ideal relationship. We are asked to think of a relationship we had with something in the last week in one's mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about the relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objections such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

A number of women considered kitchen appliances, favorite clothes or shoes, old friends, neighbors, and treasured items in their lives, and the bond that they had created between people or with items they used in their lives. Words such as reliable, dependable, and comforting were used. 

Take a moment and think of dogs. Dog have very simple needs, requiring only food, shelter, and love. No matter how your day has been or what kind of mood your in, when you get home at night you're still greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and enthusiastic fashion. Your dog is always excited to see you, and it's very humbling when you consider it.

I don't know if any of the men or women have someone who greet them so enthusiastically night after night. But no matter how long you've been away from the house or no matter how your day has been, a dog does.  A dogs needs a few, yet they give so much. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is the love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.

You know by now that your spouse has faults. You know your spouse is not perfect. You know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. You love your spouse because of those imperfections rather than in spite of them.

This is unconditional love. The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? 

Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. We all clutter our lives with thoughts and emotions, trials and tribulations, and there is temptation to let our issues become bigger than they really are and rule our lives.

If you are serious about saving your marriage the key is finding ways to place emotional clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. It's okay to have thoughts and feelings. But above all of this is the love you have for your spouse, the love you have for one another. And love will conquer them all.

It is possible to not like your spouse or not like what they are doing and still love them. It's possible to not like where your life or your marriage is but still love your spouse. The love you have for your spouse and your marriage can remain constant.

It's time to learn how to reconnect with your life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.

This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

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You CAN learn what it takes to save your marriage and start setting your marriage on the path to healing and restoration because your marriage deserves better!

Wishing you all the best,


Healing From the Pain of Divorce

Posted on April 8, 2014 at 7:01 PM Comments comments (0)
Divorce. Shock. Shame. Guilt. Anger. Bitterness. If you have been hurt by divorce it's very likely that you have experienced several of these emotions. Divorce is a very painful place. But there is healing for the pain of divorce. There is life. There is hope. There is laughter. There is forgiveness. There is wholeness. 

Experiencing loss is never easy. Losing a marriage, losing close friendships or losing financial resources requires significant adjustments. To begin the journey towards healing from the pain of divorce means being willing to grieve. Oftentimes the word grief is only associated with death. 

The loss of the relationship must  be embraced.  To avoid going through the stages of grief is not healthy for spirit, soul or body. The soul and body can be overwhelmed by grief and cause physical or mental illness. It's important to allow yourself to feel the pain. Psalmist said, "Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief" [Psalm 31:9]

1. It is important to practice the art of acceptance. Face the truth rather than live in denial. Divorce is very painful. Divorce is one of the things in life that leaves hearts and families broken. 

2. Be willing to embrace the pain. Don't ignore it. Don't sweep it under the rug. Find someone to talk to, be it a friend, spiritual leader or counselor. It's important to release so that unhealthy coping patterns don't develop .Delayed grief could cause physical illness, addiction or resentment. Which could stop your healing process. Embrace the loss and journey towards healing and wholeness.

3. Avoid isolating yourself from others. Adjustments are made over a period of time. Nothing happens overnight. Pace yourself so that you don't become overwhelmed. 

4. Find something you enjoy doing. Sink yourself into something positive. Invest your time and energy in something else. Take a class. Write a book. Paint or draw. Volunteer with a local organization. 

5. Choose to believe things will get better. Prayer will sustain you. Trouble doesn't last always. The sun is going to shine again in your life. It's never too late to start again. Find a new beginning. A fresh start.

You can overcome the pain of divorce. You can grieve the loss. Seek out a divorce recovery group.
Find out if a local church or agency offers support groups for people going through divorce.

 Give yourself time to heal. Restoration, renewal, recovery takes time. Do yourself a favor and grief the loss of your marriage. Don't hold back. Every tear released is part of the healing process. May God's unfailing love be your comfort. He will hear your cry and answer your prayer..

"I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears... The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. [Psalm 6:6,9]

Crossroad C.A.R.E. Outreach Center

Posted on December 8, 2013 at 8:15 PM Comments comments (182)
I was encouraged this morning reading Dr. Charles Stanley In Touch Devotional for Monday, December 9th. Though today is December 8th the message resonated with me and I gladly received it. 

"When Things Seem Impossible" was the title. In the devotional Dr. Stanley wrote about a time when his church was preparing to purchase some very costly property. Like many churches, they didn't want to go into debt. At that time they didn't have all the they money needed. Actually, they had less than half.

During one of the services a young couple who were struggling and expecting a baby approached 
Dr. Stanley offering the husband's wedding band. They insisted that he use to help toward the payment for the new property. When I read this I could have only imagined how Dr. Stanley felt. 

This couple is a testament to the fact that when your heart is being healed and your life is being changed and transformed  you want to be a blessing so that others can also be blessed.

On a personal level in 2004 I remember feeling the same way. One Sunday on the way home from service I said to my then teenage daughter, "Dr. Ireland preached so powerful today that he make me want to give all my money to the church". At that time I was going through a very dark season. I don't know what I would have done without the ministry of Dr. David Ireland and Christ Church family. I loved my church. When you want to get to church early and don't want to leave after the benediction has been given that speaks volumes. I'll never forget what Christ Church meant to my family and countless others. 

During the second service Dr. Stanley shared this story about what this young couple wanted to do. The congregation was so moved that they started making their way down the aisle to sow into the building project. People were giving boats, houses, jewelry, cars. As a result over two million dollars was raised in one day. There is a Scripture in the bible that speaks to this. Moses was commanded to build a temple. The people had given so much that the leaders told the people not to bring anymore gifts.

This is truly an amazing story. The hand of God is all over this. When things seem impossible with man nothing is impossible with God. Remember that when the Father places a DREAM on your heart, he'll provide. Sometimes we don't see "how" we're going to do what He's calling us to do. But we have to trust Him. He has a plan and He's going to fulfill every promise. He doesn't always give us the bigger picture. He wants us to trust Him with what he's already shown us and by faith keep moving forward.

This story resonated with me because of where we're headed. We're excited about our new location for Crossroad C.A.R.E. Outreach Center a community-based outreach targeting at-risk youth and low-income, disadvantaged individuals and families. Through the center we will provide after-school programs, mentoring program for female  / male students, food pantry, assistance and home repairs for elderly citizens, fatherhood initiatives, dress for success clothes closet and employment training and work opportunities for displaced, unemployed women. We're passionate about promoting holistic healing and wholeness. We will also host a healing school focused on the whole person. Step-by-step classes helping people to experience inner healing for past hurts and position themselves for success. 

Like Dr. Charles Stanley we have faith for the support of Crossroad C.A.R.E. Outreach Center. 
We're trusting that every need will be supplied. And every impossible situation will be overcome. Little can become much when you place it in the Master's hand. Today, we place Crossroad C.A.R.E. Outreach Center in His hands. Trusting that as we ask, seek and knock doors will be opened and resources will be provided. In 2104 we look forward to touching hearts and showing our community we care. 

Be blessed!

Footsteps Divinely Ordered

Posted on December 3, 2013 at 12:56 PM Comments comments (3)
Few weeks ago driving down the highway I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed "flashing lights". 
In the words of  Madea, " it was the po-po" or in other words a state trooper.

I pulled over went through the procedures and was given a ticket. It wasn't a speeding ticket.  My car tags were expired. Car inspection was overdue. My mistake. So, after issuing the ticket the officer informed me that once I've taken care of the matter I should submit proof prior to my court date.

Though I took the car for inspection and received my updated registration card I forgot to submit proof. Bad deal. So around 7:30 am this morning the light bulb comes on. I realized today was my court date that wasn't supposed to happen. So, now I'm like, "wow". I don't want to spend my whole day or half of my morning in court. My first thought was to see if I could submit proof  8: 30 am. But that would not have worked because files were more than likely in the court room the night before. Now what?

It's settled in my heart and mind I'm going to court. However, as I was getting ready I asked God to give me favor. I had already written out my "to-do" list for the day but this was something that had to be taken care of.  So I go to court and the sheriff directs me to a line. Court had not officially started. When it was my turn to "check-in" I submitted proof that my registration had been renewed. As a result, I didn't have to sit in court at all. I thanked the person and exited the building. Favor received.

Not only was I able to complete the items on my to-do list, but I believe my steps were divinely ordered. 
I was at the right place at the right time. Sometimes we will see someone we didn't plan on seeing that day. Perhaps someone we've been meaning to contact but didn't get a chance to call or someone who was just on our mind. Nothing happens by chance. There are no coincidences. When your steps are divinely ordered there are no chance meetings. 

While a few weeks I didn't intend on going to court today, my day was already planned. I met every person I was divinely scheduled to meet. I did everything I needed to do today. So even when your day seems to be "interrupted" there is always a  reason. You might not know "why" at the very moment you realize the change, but be on the look out. Keep an open mind. Leave room for adjustments.

Try to avoid getting upset. Just flow with it. And sooner or later you will understand "why" things didn't go exactly the way that you planned. We can plan our days and it's good to do so. Just remember that there are also divine appointments. When you're walking in your divine purpose, there will definitely be divine appointments. People you need to meet, places you need to go and things you need to see.

Have a great day!

Where healing waters flow

Posted on July 24, 2013 at 4:21 PM Comments comments (0)
Have you ever used the expression, "When it rains it pours?". 

People are most likely to say these words when it seems that it's one thing after the other. The car breaks down. The job lays you off.  You get a phone call about the passing of a loved one. Your computer crashes right in the middle of a major project that's due with a few days. You discover your gut feelings were right, your mate was being unfaithful. You didn't get the promotion you hoped for....

I'm sure that you can add a few things to this list because there are times in life when the storms of life are raging. Things can seem so cloudy that you don't think you'll ever see the break of day. 

Yet, no matter how dark things get in our lives there is always something we can be grateful for. Even on really tough days when you need to call up a friend and vent you realize that things could have been worse.  But since you're still breathing you can make it through the rough places if you go through... Don't get stuck in the darkness of your circumstances. Every trial has an expiration date..

You might go through deep waters but you're not going to drown. Everything around you may be falling apart and the heat is turned up so high that you're convinced all that will be left are the ashes.

Despite how hot your trial or challenge is you can come out of the fire without smelling like smoke. Some things may burn in the fire but when the smoke clears you're still going to be standing...

This morning I found myself nearly in tears. Not because something was wrong, but everything is right. What do I mean by that? Because it is well with my soul despite what I go through in life the greatest testimony I can have is that "it is well with my soul". If I've come out of the fire before, I'm coming out again.  The storms of life will come. Dreams will get shattered. People you depended on sometimes can turn their backs. Yet, my soul is anchored on a firm foundation. 

I look to the hills because I know where my help comes from. While you or I may reach out and help someone else our strength comes from our Creator.  Another reason I found myself in tears this morning is simply because I wanted to worship. In fact, I love to worship. It's what I do despite that I'm going through. Why? Because when we worship in the midst of the pain healing comes. When we worship in the midst of the battle, we can win the war. When we worship even when there's silence, God is always working behind the scenes.

The words of the worship song touched me so deeply this morning that all I could do was go there.
Have you ever been thirsty? I mean really, really thirsty and nothing seemed to quench your thirst. Soda didn't do it. Milk didn't hit the spot and neither did orange juice. Yet, the moment you begin to drank a glass of water you found that you couldn't get enough. The water was the very thing your body was thirty for. 

Lately, I've been thirsty. Not for natural spring water but spiritual water. My thirst has grown much deeper and the source of my fulfillment can only come from one source. Just like the woman at the well I've tasted this water time and time again. Nothing else satisfies my thirst but this living water. It's good for the whole man. It has the power to quench spiritual thirst and meet needs we may not know we have.

Every morning, I'm excited to get more of this living water during my daily devotion. As I read my bible and spend time in prayer something is happening on the inside. There are times I don't want to stop drinking this living water because it doing exceedingly more than I could imagine. 

Not only is spiritual water good for the soul (mind, will and emotions) it's the only kind of water that can quench the thirst of the spirit and allow us to have a living and loving relationship with the giver of true life. The next time it seems that life is pouring out things you didn't sign up for, find yourself a quiet place. 
And drink deeply of the living water where healing flows and the well will never run dry.

Rev. Patrina Wright

Determine What You Really Want

Posted on June 10, 2013 at 2:28 PM Comments comments (0)
Everyday in life we make decisions. From the moment we open our eyes until we go to bed in the evening. In every area of our lives we are constantly making decisions about what to do, where to go, how to do certain things. The greatest thing we can do for ourselves is learn how to determine what we really want. 

King Solomon made some very costly mistakes because. He pursued too many goals at the same time. He had been seeking fulfillment yet he didn't know why he wasn't fulfilled. King Solomon reached a high level of success and yet he still felt empty. Ever felt that way? 

You're winning. Accomplishing your goals, feeling like you're on top of the world but at the end of the day, when you go home at night, there is a sense of discomfort. You've had a "productive" day. You crossed off everything from your to-do list and yet, you're still unhappy.  Perhaps you don't feel that way all the time. But every now and then you sense"something is missing" and can't figure out what it is. 

Have you ever met someone for the first time and they list 15 different things there doing? OK, maybe not 15, how about 7.5 ? You get my point. This person is talking at you not to you as they give you a list of things they've done or is doing. There on this board and that board. They're running over here to this meeting and the one across town.  And you're patiently listening to them talk because you can't get a word in otherwise. In other words, the whole conversation is about them- "I" centered. 

Initially, you may think.. "Wow this person really has it going on. They're really doing great stuff".
But then you start thinking.. everything they said was about them.  

What person want to hear anybody talk about themselves the whole time? 

It's okay to want to be known and appreciated for accomplishments. But we should avoid conversations being self-centered. Find out about the other person. Let somebody else talk. Don't praise yourself. Don't believe your own press. Stay humble. Avoid exalting yourself. Let your gifts will make room for you. 

King Solomon shows us what can happen when we seek to find fulfillment, achievement, success, and affirmation by "doing" instead of being. Reminds me of the law. Grace is so much better. It's important to learn what has already been done for us. We can't go back and undo anything that has been done. Sometimes I think we try to seek approval from our parents. We want them to be proud of us. 

But that should not be our main goal. Some people had a parent or parents that they could never please. 
I mean they could not do anything right in their eyes. If they brought home a "A" on their report card, they told they need to do better. They needed to earn at "A+". Some people were compared to their brother or sister, and told things like, "Why can't you be like your sister". This is not good.

God is not like that. He's not that type of parent. He's not a taskmaster, a dictator, cruel or abusive. He's not hard to get along with. He doesn't have any issues that He's trying to work through. He is love. Love wants what's best for you. It's not so much about what we are doing. Who are we becoming while we're doing what we're doing? Who are we trying to become? Who are we trying to please?

We must avoid trying to find acceptance, affirmation and approval from people. We are loved and affirmed. We are accepted in the beloved. He has a specific plan for our lives. What's important to you? Avoid trying to please self, people, family, peers, friends, co-workers. Don't listen to those voices of the past that tell you that you're no good. You have no worth. You're just like this person or why can't you be like the next person. Life is not about comparison or competition. 

Seek to find and fulfill your greater purpose. There is a God-sized whole in every heart that can only be filled by the Creator Himself. There is also one path to true happiness and fulfillment. Seek to find your identity and discover your purpose in Him.

Until next time,
Patrina Wright

The beginning of my story

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 11:08 PM Comments comments (0)
In 2004 while sitting in class at the New York Theological Seminary God began to speak to me. One might refer to it as having a God moment or hearing a Word from the Lord. Either way, there was no doubt in my mind that I had just had an encounter with a very real God.

I wasn't dreaming and there was no reason for me to think it was my imagination. God really does speak but when He does it's up to us to hear His voice.

My professor was lecturing and as she was speaking I heard a still small voice. She was sitting behind the desk and it was right in front of me. As she lectured I maintained eye to eye contact with her. But the moment God began to speak I picked up my pen and begin to write as fast as I could. I didn't want to miss anything God had to say.

In a gentle voice this is what the Spirit of God said, "Don't you dare sell another copy of your book until you re-write it. I want you to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. What good is it that you say that you are totally healed but have not shared what scarred you in the first place? If you don't re-write your book you are doing a disservice to my people".

With fear and trembling I put my pen down. For a moment I just sat there. God definitely had my attention. At that moment I resolved not to sell another copy of my book. A friend of mine who I have known for a few years was sitting right next to me. I wanted to tell her what had just happened but I was too embarrassed. I thought that she would probably think that I was crazy so I kept it to myself. But as an act of obedience I did as I was told. I re-wrote my book, "Still Scarred, Totally Healed: Opening Your Heart and Mind to God's Healing of Past Hurts". 

Working on this book has helped me in both practical and spiritual ways. Revisiting the miracles God has done and is doing even now is awesome. Whenever you think about your encounters with a true and living God your faith increases because He is so faithful. It's nothing that we have done ourselves, but it's by the grace of God that we are still here today.

I had many challenges while working on this book. But I believe that there is a word of healing for you.  Revisiting this book has not been about me. God loves you so much and wants to see you come into wholeness that He told me if I didn't re-write it I would be doing a disservice to you.

God is getting ready to do an awesome work in your life. It's not about me, but it's about your destiny. We serve a mighty big God who is able to do exceedingly more than you could ever think. It's your time and your season to be blessed in every area of your life. 

We're living in a time and place where many people are stuck and don't know why. They don't understand that even after you are saved, there's still some work that the Holy Spirit needs to do in our inner man. Many don't understand why they do the things that Christians should do and yet they can't seem to touch God. They know He's there yet, they are unable to feel His presence in the atmosphere.

I submit to you today that perhaps there is a hole in your soul that hasn't healed. Do you have invisible scars haunting you from your past? Are they infected? Do they bleed into your relationships. Are you pretending that something didn't happen, yet it really did? Does your life mirror brokenness?

If you've been wounded by childhood sexual, verbal, mental and psychological abuse rape, incest or domestic violence and have not dealt with the reality of your painful past God is looking for you.

If you feel that you are stuck there is a reason why. Most times we don't look at our past when we're trying to find out who we are or what's underneath our pain. But doing so can make a difference in our lives. If you're hurting there is healing for everywhere you hurt. 

Until next time,
Patrina M Wright

Restoring Families, Reclaiming Youth

Posted on March 28, 2013 at 2:37 PM Comments comments (0)
Mass shooting, fatherless homes, sex trafficking and child sexual abuse cases like the Jerry Sandusky trial are very troubling situations. Things are happening so fast that it can almost make your head spin. Fear and anxiety has been gripping the hearts and minds of children for years. But no one is really talking about it. Well, I want you to know that we must find comfort in the words of David in Psalm 50:15, "Call on me when you are in trouble and I will rescue you". It is during perilous times like these that we must cry out to God for our families.
Jesus LOVES little children. I don't know what society thinks about that. But Jesus told His disciples,
"Let the little children come to me" in Luke 18. He's still calling for us to bring our babies to Him. Our children must be reminded that we love them and so does Jesus. Our children need to know that angels are watching over them to protect them. What are you doing on Sunday, April 14, 2013.
This is going to be a very special day for me. April 14, 2013 is my father's birthday. Last year I traveled to New Jersey to be the "guest speaker" at a service held in his honor. You don't know how honored I was. It was a special night for me and him. Seeing tears stream down of the face of the most important man in my life was amazing. I was on an assignment with a God ordained word.
Traveling from North Carolina to New Jersey was not too much to ask. It was just another awesome opportunity to pay tribute and honor my father, Bishop James D. Wright. Love you dad!!
But this year on Sunday, April 14, 2013 Crossroad Women and Family Services will be hosting, "Restoring Families, Reclaiming Youth" a two day youth and family empowerment conference. The Innocence Revolution is a new organization bringing organizations from across the globe together for "A Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse".
This is going to be an amazing day. There are 20 countries and 25 states hosting events in their communities. As you know child sexual abuse leads to so many other issues such as shame and guilt, depression, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, low school performance, cutting, social isolation, obesity, violent behavior and prison. Statistics show that on a daily basis 300,000 children around the world are sexually abused by someone they love and should have been able to trust. And in the United States alone it is estimated that there are at least 42 million men and women who are adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Isn't it time that we come together to protect our children and help heal adult survivors?
The key to reducing this epidemic is helping those who are struggling with the aftermath of abuse. Helping people work through the horror and deep wounds that are oftentimes unresolved and manifesting in other areas. Let's STOP telling people to just "get over it" and provide a safe place for them to heal. Let's STOP meeting about it and being about it. Let's come together and make a difference.
We are hosting a family fun day on Saturday, April 13, 2013. If you own a business and would like to donate some door prizes of give-away for kids, PLEASE contact us ASAP.  Restoring Families, Reclaiming Youth weekend events are quickly approaching.
If you'd like to make a donation, you can do that righ here on this page. Just click on "Donate" and you can do so via paypal or debit card. Thank you for taking the time out to read this blog.
We appreciate you. We love you. We're here for you. Let us know how we can serve you. We want you to know that no matter what has taken place in your life, you are NOT broken beyond repair.
Agape Love,
Patrina Wright