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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Center for Justice, Advocacy and Healing"

The Exodus Breaking Cycles and Changing Lives! 

EACH year in the United States an estimated two to six million women are victims of domestic violence. Domestic Violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, financial, spiritual and psychological abuse.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is about control, manipulation and domination. Ninety-five percent of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women. Too afraid and too shame to speak up, there are countless numbers of women sitting in Churches all across America suffering in silence. Victims and perpetrators are from all ages, racial, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, educational, occupational, geographic, and religious groups. If you or someone you know has ever experienced domestic violence you are in need of a personal, life changing encounter with a powerful God. One who delights in healing wounds and setting the captives free. The Exodus is that kind of encounter-- it's about coming face to face with a Holy God as He does those things that you cannot do for yourself.  Once divine deliverance has taken place you must choose to reposition your soul to prosper. If you are ready to move from surviving to thriving and from victim to victor you need this book. Learn biblical-based principles that will help you to embrace your season of preparation. Get in position to thrive, flourish, prosper and succeed in every area of your life. You will live again, laugh again, love again and dream again. Order your copy today. 

Building a Healthy Marriage

The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.

​Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages 

fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship. 

The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.

A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.

Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available. 

Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.

What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and  spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.

As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family. 

Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.

Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.

1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.

2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.

3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.

4. Attack the problem, not each other.

5. Don't throw feelings like stones.

6. Stay on the subject.

7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.

8. Never say, "You never.."

9. Don't manipulate your mate.

10. Be humble; you could be wrong.

Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".

By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!  

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


My Blog


Men Unleash the King in You

Posted on March 23, 2012 at 11:21 AM
Within every male born there is also a man. Baby boys are not born to stay babies. They grow, they develop, they mature. There is a stage they must go through in order to reach manhood. Unfortunately, far too many men have experienced an interruption in the process to manhood.
So much has taken places in their lives during the transition. Many men have experienced situations in life that have should have not take place. Some things happened which were beyond their control. 

Traumas, breakdowns and break-ups can take place in the lives of men just like it does women. Women are emotionally wired. Men are not therefore, they don't show their feelings as openly as a woman might.
Some men have experienced sexual victimization, dysfunctional families, parental rejection, abandonment, adoption and witnessing violence in the home. Some men were raised by an alcoholic father or substance abuser. Some were introduced to "manhood" through pornography or having as much sex as they could. Some men know what it's like to have an incarcerated parent. Yes, men have been through storms. Many have worn smiles but were crying on the inside. Some didn't make it through these storms....

What happens when your boyhood and your childhood has been stolen?  What do you do when you don't know what to do? Where do you find acceptance and affirmation without losing your soul?
I know many men who are holding it down. They are good husbands and fathers. These men are making a difference leading in their homes and communities. Impacting  business, media, education, law, politics, medicine, social sciences,  mental health and other sectors. Yet, there are still some men struggling with deep emotional pain. Oftentimes not knowing what to do they struggle with inner conflict. This inner pain manifests itself outwardly through rage, anger, bitterness and resentment.
What most men don't realize is that unforgiveness, bitterness, self-hatred, addiction, shame and guilt are emotional strongholds designed to keep you from moving forward. You have an invisible enemy that don't want you to leave the past behind. An adversary destined to prevent you from becoming who you were born to be. His goal is to see you wounded and crippled by that which didn't kill you.
The truth of the matter is that you can be delivered. You can be whole, healed and set free. There may be a little boy inside of you still crying out. A little boy has a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of hurt and disappointment. Unresolved fear and anxiety about the future can be resolved.

You're a man who can be free. You can know the truth about who you are. You are not your experience. Your past does not dictate your future. The wounds of the little boy in you deserves to be healed. You can begin again. Underneath all the junk there is a man of greatness in you. A man of purpose and destiny. A fighter and a deliverer. A man with power and authority. A man with a voice destined to bless many nations. There are people waiting to here what you have to say. They need what you have.
You are a man of integrity and character. You are authentic. You are real. You are what the world has been waiting for. You are the one that you have been waiting for. Save yourself. Choose freedom rather than bondage. Choose to become the warrior you were created to be. There is a king in you. Your robe has many different colors. He has given you gifts, insight, wisdom and knowledge. He will place you before great men and women of honor. There is so much more to you than what meets the eye. You have something inside of you that the world can't give, and the world can't take away. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you. His love for you is unconditional. It's everlasting. It's perfect. His love can make you whole. Even on your worse day, He won't stop loving you. He promises to never leave or forsake you. He loves you more than your parents, grand-parents, siblings, friends and uncles ever could.
He gave you the most precious give you can ever receive. His precious son. And He invites you to come back home. He wants to fellowship with you. His arms are open wide. His arms of love, healing, forgiveness, mercy, compassion and grace. Don't keep Him waiting. He wants to reveal Himself to you in the most awesome way. If you're lost, He wants to show you the way. He's the leader of all leaders. 

If you're broken, He can mend your heart. If you're bleeding He can stop the blood. He doesn't  bandage wounds He heals them totally. If you're confused, He'll bring clarity. If you're tired, He'll you rest. He's calling you to be where He is. His deepest desire is intimacy with every man He created. With Him you 
will find protection, strength and strategy to be the man, father, son and husband you desire to be. This world needs you. Your family needs you. It's your time. Arise my brother, my father, my friend. Put on your royal robe. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants to introduce you to the king within you.

Categories: Blog for Men

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