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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Transforming the Lives of Women Who Transform their World"

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


My Blog


Healing From the Pain of Divorce

Posted on April 8, 2014 at 7:01 PM
Divorce. Shock. Shame. Guilt. Anger. Bitterness. If you have been hurt by divorce it's very likely that you have experienced several of these emotions. Divorce is a very painful place. But there is healing for the pain of divorce. There is life. There is hope. There is laughter. There is forgiveness. There is wholeness. 

Experiencing loss is never easy. Losing a marriage, losing close friendships or losing financial resources requires significant adjustments. To begin the journey towards healing from the pain of divorce means being willing to grieve. Oftentimes the word grief is only associated with death. 

The loss of the relationship must  be embraced.  To avoid going through the stages of grief is not healthy for spirit, soul or body. The soul and body can be overwhelmed by grief and cause physical or mental illness. It's important to allow yourself to feel the pain. Psalmist said, "Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief" [Psalm 31:9]

1. It is important to practice the art of acceptance. Face the truth rather than live in denial. Divorce is very painful. Divorce is one of the things in life that leaves hearts and families broken. 

2. Be willing to embrace the pain. Don't ignore it. Don't sweep it under the rug. Find someone to talk to, be it a friend, spiritual leader or counselor. It's important to release so that unhealthy coping patterns don't develop .Delayed grief could cause physical illness, addiction or resentment. Which could stop your healing process. Embrace the loss and journey towards healing and wholeness.

3. Avoid isolating yourself from others. Adjustments are made over a period of time. Nothing happens overnight. Pace yourself so that you don't become overwhelmed. 

4. Find something you enjoy doing. Sink yourself into something positive. Invest your time and energy in something else. Take a class. Write a book. Paint or draw. Volunteer with a local organization. 

5. Choose to believe things will get better. Prayer will sustain you. Trouble doesn't last always. The sun is going to shine again in your life. It's never too late to start again. Find a new beginning. A fresh start.

You can overcome the pain of divorce. You can grieve the loss. Seek out a divorce recovery group.
Find out if a local church or agency offers support groups for people going through divorce.

 Give yourself time to heal. Restoration, renewal, recovery takes time. Do yourself a favor and grief the loss of your marriage. Don't hold back. Every tear released is part of the healing process. May God's unfailing love be your comfort. He will hear your cry and answer your prayer..

"I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears... The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. [Psalm 6:6,9]

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