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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Center for Justice, Advocacy and Healing"

The Exodus Breaking Cycles and Changing Lives! 

EACH year in the United States an estimated two to six million women are victims of domestic violence. Domestic Violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, financial, spiritual and psychological abuse.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is about control, manipulation and domination. Ninety-five percent of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women. Too afraid and too shame to speak up, there are countless numbers of women sitting in Churches all across America suffering in silence. Victims and perpetrators are from all ages, racial, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, educational, occupational, geographic, and religious groups. If you or someone you know has ever experienced domestic violence you are in need of a personal, life changing encounter with a powerful God. One who delights in healing wounds and setting the captives free. The Exodus is that kind of encounter-- it's about coming face to face with a Holy God as He does those things that you cannot do for yourself.  Once divine deliverance has taken place you must choose to reposition your soul to prosper. If you are ready to move from surviving to thriving and from victim to victor you need this book. Learn biblical-based principles that will help you to embrace your season of preparation. Get in position to thrive, flourish, prosper and succeed in every area of your life. You will live again, laugh again, love again and dream again. Order your copy today. 

Building a Healthy Marriage


The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.


​Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages 

fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship. 


The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.


A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.


Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available. 


Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.


What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and  spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.


As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family. 

Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.

Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.


1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.


2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.


3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.


4. Attack the problem, not each other.


5. Don't throw feelings like stones.


6. Stay on the subject.


7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.


8. Never say, "You never.."


9. Don't manipulate your mate.


10. Be humble; you could be wrong.


Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".


By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!  

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.


Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 


1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.


If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 


The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.


The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.


While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 


Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution

Website: www.totallyhealedUSA.com

Email: [email protected]


 







My Blog


Blog

Saving Marriage With Unconditional Love

Posted on December 27, 2014 at 10:11 AM
What are the essential ingredients in an ideal relationship?

In the middle of a workshop recently a pertinent question was asked about what creates the ideal relationship. We are asked to think of a relationship we had with something in the last week in one's mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about the relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objections such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

A number of women considered kitchen appliances, favorite clothes or shoes, old friends, neighbors, and treasured items in their lives, and the bond that they had created between people or with items they used in their lives. Words such as reliable, dependable, and comforting were used. 

Take a moment and think of dogs. Dog have very simple needs, requiring only food, shelter, and love. No matter how your day has been or what kind of mood your in, when you get home at night you're still greeted in such an authentic, transparent, and enthusiastic fashion. Your dog is always excited to see you, and it's very humbling when you consider it.

I don't know if any of the men or women have someone who greet them so enthusiastically night after night. But no matter how long you've been away from the house or no matter how your day has been, a dog does.  A dogs needs a few, yet they give so much. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is the love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect.

You know by now that your spouse has faults. You know your spouse is not perfect. You know your spouse makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. You love your spouse because of those imperfections rather than in spite of them.

This is unconditional love. The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? 

Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. We all clutter our lives with thoughts and emotions, trials and tribulations, and there is temptation to let our issues become bigger than they really are and rule our lives.

If you are serious about saving your marriage the key is finding ways to place emotional clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. It's okay to have thoughts and feelings. But above all of this is the love you have for your spouse, the love you have for one another. And love will conquer them all.

It is possible to not like your spouse or not like what they are doing and still love them. It's possible to not like where your life or your marriage is but still love your spouse. The love you have for your spouse and your marriage can remain constant.

It's time to learn how to reconnect with your life purpose and learn to love unconditionally.

This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages. You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% and the BEST information now! 

You CAN learn what it takes to save your marriage and start setting your marriage on the path to healing and restoration because your marriage deserves better!

Wishing you all the best,

Patrina


Categories: Marriage and Family Enrichment

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