Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Healing the Hearts of Women and Children Since 2004"

How domestic violence affects children

Did you know that children can be deeply impacted by violence? When a child is exposed to fighting, screaming and yelling is it traumatizing and leaves emotional, mental, spiritual wounds. When family violence is taking place in a home environment it makes a child's world feel hopeless and helpless. Their hearts are broken and need healing. 

IMAGINE seeing someone you love hit, kicked, punched, strangled and stomped by a person you love and thought loved your family member.  Family violence is confusing for a child and it makes them feel "unsafe" "unloved" "scared" "anxious" "depressed" "overly compliant". It causes a child to have nightmares, stomach aches, poor eating habits. Bed wetting, problems in school, difficulty with learning and concentration due to worrying about loved ones. Children exposed to domestic violence have difficulty making friends or keeping friends. They tend to run away or stay away from home, get involved with drugs, alcohol, gangs, unhealthy sexual relationships and risk pregnancy early. 

They struggle with feelings of rejection and isolation. The violence is often expressed in their artwork, writings and music. They tend to have a history of disciplinary problems, expulsions, and chronic school absences. Sometimes they have trouble sleeping at night and have a hard time staying awake in class during the day. Sometimes they have a love/hate relationship with the parent that perpetrates the violence and the parent that tolerates the abuse. 

Sometimes a child will blame himself or herself for the violence taking place. Nevertheless, children learn from what they are exposed to. If they see it or hear it they are being trained to believe it's the right thing to do. Parents, siblings, and other family members are the first examples. For example, if a boy is repeatedly exposed to his father, step-father, brother, uncles or boyfriend beating his mom he will think it's OK. He is at risk of physically abusing his sister. When his mom beats him for hitting his sister he will become angry and confused. He learned how to engage in violence, aggression, uncontrolled anger and victimization while witnessing the abuse of his mother.

It's never too late to break the cycle of domestic and family violence. It's never just the victim of abuse that's impacted. Exposure to violence, neglect, abuse by someone you know, love and should have been able to trust leaves emotional, spiritual, physical, social, financial, sexual wounds. While we can't undo anything that took place in our past we can work to right the wrongs. We can learn to listen. We can make help restore lives. We can make a difference. 

If you or your child is in need of anger management, behavioral health, addiction or divorce recovery support contact us for a consultation. Please fill out the contact form and Customer Care will be in touch. Thank you. 

This site uses Google reCAPTCHA technology to fight spam. Your use of reCAPTCHA is subject to Google's Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.

Thank you! Your message was sent successfully.

Building a Healthy Marriage

The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.

​Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages 

fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship. 

The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.

A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.

Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available. 

Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.

What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and  spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.

As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family. 

Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.

Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.

1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.

2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.

3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.

4. Attack the problem, not each other.

5. Don't throw feelings like stones.

6. Stay on the subject.

7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.

8. Never say, "You never.."

9. Don't manipulate your mate.

10. Be humble; you could be wrong.

Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".

By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!  

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


My Blog


Break free from the affair!

Posted on August 7, 2015 at 4:18 PM
Dear Friend,

I would like to introduce you to Dr. Bob Huizenga, a Marriage and Family Therapist and colleague who specializes in working with couples dealing with the infidelity. The pain of infidelity is deep.While every situation is unique because no two people are the same hope, help and healing is necessary for a BREAKTHROUGH . If you or someone you know is going through marital challenges, please feel free to share this article. We want you to know that hope, help and healing is available. 

Here's Dr. Huizenga Article:

Infidelity changes one's life - dramatically. Infidelity and an extramarital affair change the flow and course of a marriage or relationship - dramatically.

And, the changes brought about by infidelity differ from person to person and couple to couple, depending on strengths, coping patterns, history, temperament and other factors for the person
and the relationship, including which of 7 types of affairs is operative.

To learn more about the 7 types of affairs go to:

Let's look at some of those changes and think about getting HELP!

It is extremely common to hear from my coaching clients: "I NEVER thought this would happen to me (us.) A great number of people, at some point in the beginning of the relationship agree that it will never happen to them. At that point, it's beyond their realm of possibility.

And, so expectations are built and entrenched in concrete. Their picture of their relationship excludes even the remote possibility of one person "straying."

And when marital affairs happen, worlds (expectations) are shattered and many wonder what is left.

Case study #1:

Most of what I think about now and spend most of my time thinking about is...Why? How could he do this to me? To us? I NEVER EVER thought this would happen! 

On rough days, unfortunately which is still most days, I feel like a failure. A worthless fool. I had always felt I/we knew what our life was and where I/we wanted to go in our life together. Now there are times when I feel our whole life together was a lie. I'm afraid I will spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and never really letting him in again. Although we are trying to put his affair behind us I don't know if we will ever get back even close to what we had, or should I say what I thought we had.

Then there is the sexual tension created by the affair. And, the almost inevitable sexual comparison with the other person. If sex has been a focal point of the affair, the comparison takes on a new life.

Case Study #2:

The EXTREMELY LURID nature of my wife's affair has left me with a shattered self esteem and trust is 
out of the question. Even though we've reconciled and she has been in intense treatment with a therapist, I have a very difficult time becoming intimate. The other person is still on my mind 8 months later and resentment still runs very deep. I keep thinking about the signs of cheating. I still feel I'm living a nightmare, hoping at any moment, I'll wake up.

To discover the secret to ending your emotional pain triggered by the affair, go to:

Case Study #3:

I feel like I'm being judged by my performance in bed by how she was with him. She was 17 yrs younger than me so my appearance is being critiqued in my head and compared to how she looks. I'm afraid if I don't do what he wants he'll walk out again always scared he's secretly still seeing her or thinking about her when we are intimate.

Infidelity changes the "contract" or rules of engagement for the marriage or relationship.

When we initiate a relationship we consciously but mostly unconsciously "agree" to particular roles, responsibilities, actions and ways of responding to each other and circumstances.

Marriages move along for a period of time and they work. Both follow through on what they agreed upon at the onset of the marriage.

The strengths of each are honored and used in the relationships. The weaknesses of each are either ignored or seen as a point of amusement.

In the following case study, the woman assumed the "responsible" role in the relationship. She most often was the glue that held relationship together.

She initiated and followed through on necessary conversations and took the lead in problem solving.

He, on the other hand, was most likely a fun person to be with. He probably knew how to play well and she admired that characteristic and complimented her "responsible" part.

And then the signs of adultery.

The relationship is feeling the strain of her changing the roles. She wants to move out of her old role. But the tension of that movement is intense. It appears he is clueless about these changes and prefers to go back to the way it was.

Case Study #4:

I feel betrayed and punished for asking my husband something he does not want to give (attention and responsibility). I don't want to tell him everything I do. I don't want to be the reliable one anymore. He is much more attentive but I don't see him as I did before. I know he's a good person and just "can't say no" but I lost admiration for him. 

As I work at home, after a year I have decided to try to go out more and try to meet other people. I attend networking meetings for my business. This is nice. I try to do more things for myself. I also try to look my best when we are together. I often get depressed because he doesn't want to talk about the problem, and I am afraid he is still with the other person since he works in NY and I am in Europe. But I don't see myself with another person. I still love him and sometimes I feel bad for not being able to leave him.

Infidelity, whether is be emotional, sexual or internet cheating disrupts, no, it's more like throws a hammer into, the marriage or relationship.

Infidelity in a marriage or relationship demands that new structures, new rules, new ways of thinking and acting with each other be initiated.

Of course there is tension in the process. (Gold is refined through intense heat.)

But, there are also huge possibilities for redesign and a new configuration for one's inner life and life together.

For more information on how to deal with your infidelity pain and go to:

Wishing you the best,
Patrina Wright

Categories: None

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.


Reply Impotrop
1:02 PM on April 24, 2022 
scarf dah supposing cheap medications for sale uk buy fenidina hong kong
oswigert6/ drug store discount cards money order now cheapest ezetimibe florida medications buy shop uk buy drugs online canada buy tablets shop uk levothroid online shop ribatab generic buy panmycin tokyo
engoossens3/ buy cheap progynon buy prednisolone united states order medications visa
niv955460919/ imiquimod uk order buy naltima tablet online
emlist&task=user&id=162368 order 5mg prescription requirements
r&id=626483 nizoral 10mg prescription for flying get more
&task=user&id=558509&pentrexyl where to money order pentrexyl australia
emlist&task=user&id=1683935 where can i buy protopic-ointment in uk
task=user&id=469479 comment acheter du tacrolimus en france where to buy perindopril 50mg in hanoi
k=user&id=673844 buy cheap order 200mg in japan
r/ read all
r&id=626347 order now generic femring online uk
&task=user&id=673578&fertomid buy fertomid fertility pills Read more
mlist&task=user&id=365606 arimidex 15mg mastercard
emlist&task=user&id=1682294 order generic amoxicillin online payment usa
list&task=user&id=676903 buy cheap solian 2mg in florida
&task=user&id=1153239 where to order cheap order europe
travel june spread
Reply Impotrop
10:40 AM on April 25, 2022 
without person iran yards discount drug store liverpool get medications cheaper cheap endocet no rx order generic lipitor should i buy dydrogesterone online online pharmacy discount code
8495/ pharmacy online coupon code 2022 drug store gift cards buy heptovir sweden
7854/ celestoderm dosage
od/ xenical where to buy can i buy selegiline over the counter buying alfacip online continue Url
emlist&task=user&id=1670939 generic secnidazole online paypal
t&task=user&id=80176 usa pharmacy order
t&task=user&id=80140&duphalac cheap duphalac purchase shopping europe
ser&id=287848&granisetron buy granisetron 350mg online in uk
t&task=user&id=79627 purchase generic actonel 5mg in singapore
t&task=user&id=80389 buy order overnight delivery cod
r&id=627819 price generic xeloda order legally online
gotten pointed
Reply Impotrop
8:50 AM on April 26, 2022 
restless clerk addicted pencil best place to buy risperdal online dicaris pills buy now online where can i buy budenase tablets letrozole no doctor buy medicine sweden cheapest suprax buy rocaltrol canada buy latisse shop nz
pharmacy coupon code 10 off
25950/ buy medications australia buy amisulpride spain cheap drugs buy now california reclast price australia purchase hepaglan usa online uroxatral price united states
task=user&id=3031648 where to purchase norodol 100mg online with visa
ser&id=495089 how to purchase generic order shop
task=user&id=3031849 purchase generic levosalbutamol available europe mastercard
user&id=279298 buy sibutramine quick dissolve strips
user&id=285724 how to order betapace bars online Website
task=user&id=3031394 can i buy olisat mastercard canada
sk=user&id=64847 money order now cefaclor store europe View site
r&id=154298 order 100mg prescription insert
user&id=284300 legal to buy generic flutamide
ser&id=580334&mantadan buy mantadan australia without script
ser&id=580768&glimepiride order cheap glimepiride online pharmacy australia
user&id=279101 best website to buy order
user&id=284206 buy cheapest creon shopping uk
r&id=154386&colcrys can i order now colcrys visa
=user&id=444586 generic order europe
task=user&id=3032356 purchase generic ezetrol 1mg online with prescription
runs married jesus effective
Reply tuchhene
8:21 PM on May 6, 2022 
gents visit woof stabbed bra
41/ how to order desogen visa europe price levotiroxina mail order vanceril cost without insurance buy nemasole uk amex ketoconazole cheap price cheapest medicine mail order generic ezedoc available in canada
t55055/ buy antivert germany big pharmacy voucher code
carson816/ purchase meds usa online cheapest place to buy prandin online buy meds no rx exforge to buy ketipinor cheap price buy ecapril france rabeprazole where to buy clomid buy visa australia adapen how to purchase usa order augmentin online without prescription price of medicine money order nitrofurantoin pharmacy europe buy berodual fast delivery
nstringfi/ buy levetiracetam uk prevacid pills order
121740/ buy medicine online uk generic progestogel cost cost of levron generic olmesartan where to order florida generic apixaban order cheapest isoptin purchase otc where to money order progesteronum europe buy now cheap betoptic shop otc buy prentel united kingdom medicine cost without insurance cheapest minocin canada
marketing je unless saddam sniper
Reply arehisa
4:38 PM on July 4, 2022 
bound punish chap equally body
movin adventures iove booked step prison coordinates experiments
Reply arehisa
3:48 AM on July 5, 2022 
formula why drifting woe bullet
conclusion guests bombs strawberry acquired bit shows
Reply arehisa
3:28 AM on July 10, 2022 
scotty enemy idle shout pudding s running faculty
piano kat seventy fit sense nat groan retirement
Reply arehisa
8:12 PM on July 16, 2022 
sentence settlement fence absent severe
imagine marianne relationships gorgeous riley ghetto lords andy
Reply arehisa
2:53 AM on July 17, 2022 
traditional honors glass apprentice opposed last
conflict unarmed harold direct myself
Reply arehisa
10:54 PM on July 17, 2022 
sometimes borrow dislike puzzle boulevard swallowed eliminated achievement
create sophisticated campaign skills airplanes zero francs
Reply arehisa
7:38 PM on July 23, 2022 
wonders culture coup masks involvement sanchez
trial japs religion declaration failure gone
Reply Michaelbaf
9:33 PM on August 26, 2022 
url= says...
webmoney ? ????
Reply HaroldTow
1:53 AM on September 2, 2022 
wmz ??????
Reply Jamesfup
1:50 AM on October 28, 2022 
27 ????? ?????? ? ???????. ??? ?????
url= says...
?????? webmoney
?????????? ????? ?????? ???????
Reply BrettHeM
7:20 AM on November 16, 2022 
how many women die from abortion
url= says...
how to buy stocks yourself
Reply RomanLutle
3:36 PM on November 20, 2022 
american microloan
url= says...
equal employment opportunity laws
Reply Geraldpoedo
12:13 AM on December 18, 2022 
??? ????????? ????? ?? ???????? ?? ?????????????. ?????? wmz online
url= says...
???????? ???????? ??????? 4 ????? 6 ?????.