Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.
Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402
|Posted on June 15, 2018 at 2:19 PM|
The blog post is an excerpt from the book, The Exodus Breaking Cycles and Changing Lives: Repositioning Your Soul to Thrive After Domestic Violence- Chapter 1, "Moment of Truth".
I've come to understand that it doesn't matter how much you want someone to change in order for change to take place that person MUST desire change. Everyone knows at least one person who chooses not to change. They can bump their heads up against a wall 100 times and still not change. People have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired before they change. Some people have not hurt enough, lost enough, suffered enough, cried enough or felt like they were DYING enough to change.
It's amazing. If you visit your old neighborhood and see some of the same people doing some of the same things they have chosen not to change. My point is this. God can CHANGE anybody but the individual have to want it. There are former batterers who have allowed the Spirit of God to TRANSFORM their lives and there are also those who REFUSE to take responsibility and seek help needed to experience lasting change.
Change and transformation isn't an overnight process. It's interesting some people can fake change. They can confess with their mouths that they see the light but within their hearts they have no intention of walking in the light. Some people confess CHANGE only after they've finally been caught. So why is it so easy for us to accept people's testimonies that they've been changed while they continuing battering?
Only in the church can a violent person sit in the office of the pastor and confess they have changed and have their story believed. Yet, before the couple arrives home there are verbal, physical and mental attacks.
What's wrong with that picture? WISDOM is crying out to us. True transformation involves a process between the offended and the offender. It involves repentance, confession and forsaking abuse.
Where are the Godly STANDARDS of accountability and responsibility in the church? Have they taken a back seat? Some people only appear remorseful after they've been exposed not because they really want to change. Men who have no remorse feel they have the right to have power and control over women.
The church has played a role in men having that kind of mindset. Lives are being lost everyday because we are not telling the truth about domestic violence. Find out what resources are available by contacting:
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network- 800-656-HOPE
National Organization for Victim Assistance- 800-TRY-NOVA
National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children - 888-818-POMC
Resource Center on Domestic Violence, Child Protection and Custody- 800-52-PEACE
National Human Trafficking Resource Center - 888-373-7888
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children- 800-THE-LOST
Childhelp USA National Hotline- 800-4-A-CHILD
Can a violent man change? Yes, he can but it takes more than a sermon and the laying on of hands. Therapy, abuse treatment, accountability partners and personal responsibility are part of the process. It's also going to take a contrite spirit. A man who desires change must come to terms with his personal issues of brokenness rather than continue to blame others. He has to be able to look at all the pain and suffering he has caused his family. He must be ready to deal with the wars that are waging inside of him.
A man must not be forced to change. He must be ready. Until then all attempts at making him change are a waste of time. Your love won't change him. Your cooking won't change him. Your money won't change him. Your smile or perfume won't change him. Ladies, you can back it up, flip it over and do it all over again and he can still treat you like trash and beat you like there is no tomorrow.
Victims of child sexual abuse, sexual assault, campus rape, relationship abuse, human trafficking or incest are wound in spirit, soul and body. When worth and value has been attacked you suffer from isolation, depressed, fear and anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction and mental health issues. Victims must learn when to call 911. No one whether adult, child, elderly or pet deserves to be assaulted.
Need legal counsel? You have a right to protect yourself, your family, your business, your income and your identity. For more information visit the following link and learn how Legal Shield can help.