Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.
Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402
The Exodus Breaking Cycles and Changing Lives!
EACH year in the United States an estimated two to six million women are victims of domestic violence. Domestic Violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, financial, spiritual and psychological abuse.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is about control, manipulation and domination. Ninety-five percent of assaults on spouses or ex-spouses are committed by men against women. Too afraid and too shame to speak up, there are countless numbers of women sitting in Churches all across America suffering in silence. Victims and perpetrators are from all ages, racial, socioeconomic, sexual orientation, educational, occupational, geographic, and religious groups. If you or someone you know has ever experienced domestic violence you are in need of a personal, life changing encounter with a powerful God. One who delights in healing wounds and setting the captives free. The Exodus is that kind of encounter-- it's about coming face to face with a Holy God as He does those things that you cannot do for yourself. Once divine deliverance has taken place you must choose to reposition your soul to prosper. If you are ready to move from surviving to thriving and from victim to victor you need this book. Learn biblical-based principles that will help you to embrace your season of preparation. Get in position to thrive, flourish, prosper and succeed in every area of your life. You will live again, laugh again, love again and dream again. Order your copy today.
Building a Healthy Marriage
The key to having a healthy and happy family is a healthy marriage. Today as we look at the state of marriages we wonder if having a healthy and happy family is possible. Let's explore first-time marriages.
Studies reveal the average age for men is 26 and the average age for women is 24. According to Dr. H. Norman Wright, almost half of first-time marriages fail. Let's look at four principle reasons why some first-time marriages
fail. One reason is that some people do not understand stages in their individual development and are therefore less likely to think about how this can impact a marital relationship.
The second reason is that not every person had an adequate basis upon which to build their personal identity. In other words if personal identity, development and beliefs are unhealthy, negative or key relationships were problematic this creates the risk for later in life problems.
A third reason some marriages fail is because some people enter marriage with unresolved issues such as growing up in a dysfunctional family, traumatic childhood experiences, foster care and child welfare, alcoholism and substance abuse issues, undiagnosed mental illness, and marriage problems of their parents or caretakers.
Lastly, some marriages were dissolved because the couple were unprepared for the marriage and their expectations of each other, marriage and family were unrealistic. Today, marriage and family counseling and support is available.
Studies show about 80% of married couples struggle with the inability to communicate. One of the most important investments some couples make for their marriage is pre-marital counseling, couples coaching and biblical mentoring.
What topics are explored? Understand the purpose of marriage, effective communication, conflict resolution, healing childhood hurts, boundaries, overcoming your parents divorce, financial crisis intervention, sexuality, parenting and spiritual wholeness can be explored in pre-marital counseling as well as ongoing marriage coaching.
As author and speaker, Dr. Gary Smalley notes in, Love Is A Decision, by Gary Smalley and John Trent, "Deep-seated problems don't vanish instantly without consistent work by the couple and relying on God's strength for daily endurance". Having a healthy and happy marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is the key to a healthy family.
Does having good relationships take work? Yes, and there are couples doing their interpersonal and marriage work.
Every relationship experiences some conflict. Dr. Wright shares10 key strategies for coping with conflict.
1. Don't avoid conflict with the silent treatment.
2. Don't save emotional trading stamps.
3. If possible, prepare the setting for the disagreement.
4. Attack the problem, not each other.
5. Don't throw feelings like stones.
6. Stay on the subject.
7. Offer solutions with your criticisms.
8. Never say, "You never.."
9. Don't manipulate your mate.
10. Be humble; you could be wrong.
Larry and Nordis Christenson in their book, The Christian Couple, offers this insight: "Healing does not come from the outside. It comes from within the one who has been hurt. A doctor may set a broken arm and put it in a cast, but the power to mend the bone is released from within the person's own body".
By diligently seeking to learn how to improve conflict -resolution skills, fertile soil is plowed that will ultimately provide a seed bed for effective, healing communication in a marriage. These communication skills can also serve as tools to greatly enhance the couple's parenting skills and abilities. If you're interested exploring how to have a happy and healthy marriage through pre-marital counseling, couple's bible study or marriage coaching contact us today!
Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma
Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.
Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems.
1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.
2. Witnessing a mother being abused.
3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.
4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.
5. A family member who is in prison.
6. Parental separation or divorce.
7. Physical or emotional neglect.
8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.
9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.
10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.
11. Involvement with the foster care system.
12. Losing a family member due to deportation.
13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.
14.Living in a war zone.
15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.
If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs.
The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.
The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.
While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse.
It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin.
Wishing you health and wellness,
Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International
NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor
School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution
Email: [email protected]
|Posted on May 21, 2020 at 4:42 PM|
Thank you for taking time to read Part II of this blog post to help celebrate the success of Brandon Wright, Class of 2020 Felician University Graduate. Here's what his sister, Ebony wanted to share.
"When I learned that Brandon was looking to further his education I was ready to journey with him. Supporting wasn't always easy, but with the help of God, we made it. We are grateful and blessed.
Having a positive mindset helped guide his on this journey. I always told him to keep going and work hard. He always studied and was eager to learn. He was always proud when he accomplished his goals.
I've always tried to give him what I know. While Brandon lived on campus we stayed in touch through FaceTime and phone calls. He would come home every couple of weeks to stay for a weekend and sometimes he would stay on campus to study and get more work done. Sometimes I would bring him a care package with his favorite meals and snacks just to make his smile.
While he was away working my focus was making sure he was safe at school and in a great environment. As long as he was, OK, I was OK. If I could have shared words at Brandon's graduation I would have told him you CAN be whatever you want to be in life. You CAN go where you want to go as long as you stay consistent. You make me so proud to be your sister. I pray for your future and I see GREATNESS inside of you!! With Love, Your Sister, "Ebony".
We wanted to give Brandon an opportunity to share and give a shout out to family, friends and Felician University Class of 2020 classmates.
"Felician University without you guys motivating me in every way possible and providing me with so many great opportunities I'm not sure if college would have been such a smooth process. I would like to give a shout-out to the business professors for keeping it brutally honest on how the work world works. Letting us know when you're not the only person who want a six figure job out of college, being different matters and having a great work ethic can outlast your competition.
Furthermore, I've met some great souls while studying at Felician University, too many to name. However,
I appreciate everyone I was able to make memories with that will last a lifetime. Additionally, I would like to express words of appreciation to my family and closest friends. You motivated me and pushed me to keep going throughout my entire four years. I can't thank you enough nor would I trade you for anything.
I am extremely grateful to have all of you in my life and I know anyone else in this world would be too.
Out of everyone, I want to give the most credit to my sister, Ebony Wright, for being the mother figure in my life for almost have of it. Words can't explain how much I appreciate you.
But one day I will find a way to express it in the most beautiful way ever. But until then, I just want to say, even though our mother hasn't been with us for sometime now, she sure did a substantial job raising me into a great young man she would be proud of.
Congratulations again Brandon and Ebony! We pray God's richest blessings over your life as you work towards the fulfillment your dreams. Reach your greatest potential and fulfill your life purpose. We are extremely proud of this milestone. We believe great doors will open for you in the marketplace!
Wishing you great success!
Your Family & Your Friends
Crossroad Women and Family Services
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