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Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

Post Office Box 2421, Kingston, NY 12402

Crossroad Women and Family Services, Inc.

"Transforming the Lives of Women Who Transform their World"

Healing Beyond Childhood Trauma

Did you know that most people in the US have at least one ACE? ACE's are adverse childhood experiences that not only causes harm to the brain of children it changes they way they respond to the stresses of life, compromises their immune systems and causes other chronic health conditions over their lifetime. According to a CDC Kaiser Permanente ACE Study childhood trauma and ACE places people at risk for depression, chronic diseases, mental illness, financial problems, social problems and becoming a victim of violence and sexual crimes.

Other ACE surveys have expanded the types of ACE's and those findings while not surprising are also noted below. Below are traumatic experiences linked to social, financial, mental, emotional and physical problems. 

1. A family member who is diagnosed with a mental illness or depressed.

2. Witnessing a mother being abused.

3.A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4. Physical, sexual and verbal abuse.

5. A family member who is in prison.

6. Parental separation or divorce.

7. Physical or emotional neglect.

8. Living in an unsafe neighborhood.

9. Experiencing or witnessing racism.

10. Witnessing violence outside of the home.

11. Involvement with the foster care system.

12. Losing a family member due to deportation.

13. Witnessing a father being abused by a mother.

14.Living in a war zone.

15.Being bullied by a peer or adult.

If you have one or more ACE's you are not alone. Research shows that nearly two-third of adults have at least one. Additionally, the scores are even more revealing. For example people with an ACE score of 4 are twice as likely to smoke and seven times more likely to struggle with alcoholism addiction. Additionally, a score of 4 or more is likely to increase the risk of chronic diseases such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis by 400 percent, while also increasing the risk for attempted suicide by 1200. ACE's is also linked to chronic workplace absenteeism, ER visits, mental illness, criminal justice involvement and increased healthcare costs. 

The higher the ACE score the more likely it is that people with these scores have more marriages, violence, drug prescriptions, increased risk for broken bones, greater struggles with depression and autoimmune diseases. Studies show that the life span of individuals with an ACE score 6 or higher are at risk for being shortened by 20 years.

The impact of childhood traumatic experiences doesn't just go away as people age. Rather, what a person has lived through directly or indirectly leaves bits and pieces. Harmful traces of the past that keeps showing up has the ability to be passed down from one generation to the next causing generational cycles of unhealed trauma and strongholds.

While the brain does not know the difference between one kind of traumatic experienced and toxic stress from the other we are not stuck with stressed out brains, painful memories, chronic diseases, mental illness or substance abuse. 

It's essential that people receive an effective diagnosis from an effective team of caring medical professionals who can create qualified treatment plan so the journey to healing and recovery can begin. 

Wishing you health and wellness,

Patrina M Torres, Founder, Totally Healed International 

NCCA Certified Temperament Counselor, Certified Instructor 

School of Counseling, S.A.C.C. Certified Academic Institution


Email: [email protected]


My Blog


Remove Yourself from Insanity of Infidelity

Posted on August 10, 2015 at 4:16 PM
Dear Friend,

If infidelity is ripping you and your marriage apart, please read this email from Dr. Bob Huizenga, a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in infidelity.

Hello it's Dr. Bob Huizenga here,

Do you feel awful, I mean a gut wrenching, basket case awful?

Have you ever thought about that? What makes the pain of infidelity at moments seemingly unbearable?

My contact with thousands says: You feel gut-wrenchingly awful because you believe:

*You've lost it all >>> s/he's found it

*You're a loser >>> someone else won, stole from me

*You're helpless/miserable >>> s/he has an exciting wonderful life

*You're loveless and sexless >>> s/he's in love and having great sex

*You're doomed to loneliness >>> s/he's passionately intimate with someone else

Have you ever noticed that when deep in thought, ruminating on one or more of the above, you feel your worst?

You can stop the feelings and get on the right track sooner than you think.

That’s one reason why I wrote “Break Free From the Affair:” to get and keep those suffering from infidelity on track.

Click here for more information on my ebook:

I want you to know that these thoughts which germinate the awful feelings are distortions. These thoughts and beliefs about you, the infidelity and marriage are NOT based on reality.

I'm in the process of reflecting on why some of my work has such a life-changing impact. (Just 5 minutes ago I received an email which to the word said, "Your e-book is not only helpful, but life-changing.")

OK, I say. Wonderful. But why? Where is its power?

Here's what I do best. I help you clean up the distortions and see reality.

To clean up your distortions, to eradicate your emotional pain and to propel you on the right path of recovery, I help you make 4 critical, underlying, subtle yet powerful shifts.

(And, I also explain thoroughly the motives, origin and typical length of my 7 types of affairs. Again, this link will be helpful:  )

But first, let's look at the crux of the problem: You must fight against 2 powerful tides of influence to overcome your distortions and pain.

Problem #1: Movies, TV, novels, celebrities, tabloids and media in general convey at a subtle level that infidelity is cool. Infidelity is where it's at if you want excitement and passion in life. Infidelity is encouraged!

Oh sure, I know religious leaders and politicians rant against the evil of infidelity. But guess what? Their track record is not that great when it comes to abstaining.

Remember, you were subtly taught at your most impressionable times, that in reality, infidelity holds power and excitement that you won't find anywhere else.

Problem #2: Most know diddly squat about infidelity.

Family and friends, especially those who have not experienced infidelity are clueless, give banal advice or avoid you and the topic like a plague. Or they come with moralistic platitudes or the knee jerk reaction of quick simplistic advice because they are not comfortable with your pain.

Here's one of the hugest misunderstanding: Infidelity is the result of something terribly wrong with the marriage.

This "Marriage made me do it" excuse is bogus. Show me a perfect marriage and I will show you two people utterly bored with each other and/or part of the living dead.

Also, many in the professional healing community know little about the complexity of infidelity.

I can speak to that. I'm part of that community. I've been licensed in private practice since 1981 with over 45,000 hours of direct client contact. I've jumped through all the professional hoops and have served on the State of Michigan Board for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

My training had zilch when it came to understanding infidelity. My expertise came as a result of my own personal research, study and clinical experience.

Here's a common scenario: infidelity is discovered and marriage counseling is arranged. Countless wounded spouses have reported to me that one of the strategies of therapy was to find out what was wrong with the marriage (basically, what's wrong with you, wounded spouse? What WEREN'T you doing?)

So the cheating spouse punches you in the gut with infidelity and then the therapist slaps you across the face with, "What's wrong with YOU?"

Absolutely, unequivocally CRAZY!

Later I will explain in DETAIL, WHY that is CRAZY!

Click here:

Infidelity is an Act of Temporary Insanity

To remove yourself from this insanity, its craziness and its pain, you must make these 4 shifts:

From it's my problem to >>> it's his/her problem

From I'm losing all to >>> they are losing all

From infidelity means loving someone else to >>>infidelity has absolutely nothing to do with love

From what did I do wrong to >>> the marriage is not the problem

I will make infidelity crystal clear and in that process the shifts will happen.

Continue to work with me. Stick with me. We'll continue to reshape thinking (and feelings) about infidelity.

Click here:

Dr. Bob Huizenga

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